Musings of a Mum of Two - Postpartum, the Second Time Around

Well, after being a mum of two for 9 months now, I can safely say this is the hardest thing I've ever done...

As someone who thrives on a bit of structure and routine, never has my life had so little structure and routine!! It seems just when I find my feet in one area, something happens in another area and I fall flat on my face again.

Navigating all the stages of babyhood is it's own deal, then add in a massive year of trials by my 3yo who is experiencing life in hyper-reality. The usual juggling of keeping a house and feeding everyone, then add in a lease block full of trade steers that I am more or less solely responsible for... plus a few unbroken horses sitting in the paddock for good measure (because apparently I thought I had time to break in a horse or two this year!!)

And I just can't seem to find any kind of rhythm or routine that sticks.

So often these days I am reminding myself to take it easy on myself: I'm still less than one year postpartum, my body is still healing, and mentally and hormonally, I'm still experiencing massive adjustments. I still need rest. I still need healing. I still need support. And I am worthy of all these things.

Some aspects have felt more in flow as a mum of two than in my first postpartum. For example, I had a clearer picture right off the bat of how I could achieve things around the house: what I could do while baby wearing or carrying, what I might need to focus on while she was asleep, and what I needed to prioritise and get done in the small windows of time that I had when she was happy to be put down. In my first postpartum, all of that took months to figure out, but this time around I was able to slip into some of those habits a little easier. Though there still never seems to be enough time with the baby put down and happy to get done everything that needs doing!!

I also experienced a period of illness where I ended up with two bad flu type sicknesses back to back, so all up I was sick for over a month! And for most of that time, I was completely out for the count. I needed to nap every day. I could try get some things done in the morning and then would absolutely conk out for the rest of the afternoon. And as I had to prioritise the wellbeing of the cattle, I would often spend what little capacity I had, up the paddock in the morning, then come home and turn on a screen for the toddler and curl up and have a breastfeeding nap with my baby. So literally nothing else got done, which was a very hard hole to crawl back out of when everything needed getting on top of all at once. And no sooner had I started to feel back in control of my life, then teething hit, then we hit a particularly rough patch with the 3yos behaviour, then finances started to feel the squeeze, and et cetera et ecetera...

I think the most challenging thing for this postpartum is the nervous system reality. Things that used to feel so easy for me, like managing meltdowns, or holding space for feelings... just feel impossible now. My nervous system is just past capacity every single day. I'm slowly pinpointing habits that make things worse and trying to incorporate better habits and healthier routines to overcome this. And hopefully as I start getting a little more sleep (hopefully soon!), then my nervous system will feel more regulated and reasonable.

As I've noticed and written about before, nutrition plays a big role in my nervous system, and being well fed is the main way I can overcome the overwhelm and burnout. More often then not, if i find myself snapping at someone, about 30 seconds later, I realise I'm getting hungry, haha. My postpartum freezer stash was such a big part of propritising my nutrition AND rest during early postpartum, and now I'm spending many hours in the kitchen each week, preparing nourishing and healthy food for myself and my family. At this point, I'm probably not making as much from scratch as I would like to be, but you can only do what you can do! I've found I've had to make compromises about some of the types of food I'd rather not buy, but the reality is, the convenience is an important consideration at the moment! So it's weighing up quality vs convenience vs price vs my time making things vs the other demands on my time. And if we can make a couple of them line up, then we're doing OK!

At this point in postpartum, rest is still a primary consideration, no matter how strong I might feel some days. And my baby helps with that by being a typical 8-9-10 month old that wants to be carried and held all the time! As her first nap of the day is usually in the buggy carseat, I try and make a point to sit down with her for her next nap, in order to rest myself as well. Though some days we push on and I put her in the carrier while I do house chores. It's just finding that balance, while also trying to get enough sleep at night to sustain through the busy days!

Actually writing all this out makes me feel like I have more of a flow than I thought I did - even if most days feel a bit all over the place. The key pillars still are prioritise rest, and prioritise nutrition; and I feel like I am mostly getting the hang of that, even if the floors aren't getting vacuumed all that regularly, and I haven't got the horses in in ages...

And as I've proven before; it's just a season, it doesn't last forever, and it will get easier to get things done soon enough.

*something that has been a big and tangible help for me is the Balance for Parents Methodology, designed to help parents find more balance in amongst the juggle. Check it out for yourself if you need a little more balance in your life!