The Freebirth of Willow Ann

At 37+6 weeks, I woke up to period-pain-like cramps that didn't ease after I emptied my bladder. I'd woken feeling crampy the past couple of days but I'd always put it down to the weight of the baby on a full bladder as it usually eased right after a morning wee! The crampy feelings hung around for a couple of hours, and I got excited because my hubby was getting home that afternoon after being away for three weeks, and I had been getting vibes that my baby might come before my guess date. But by the time Josh got home, everything had settled down - until I woke the next morning with the same crampy sensations (not painful, but a very bizarre feeling when you haven't had period cramps all year!) This time when I went to the toilet, I wiped a small amount of mucous. I texted our Doula, Karlee, to get her thoughts; I was set to relocate to Townsville the next day, but was starting to wonder if I should be heading over sooner! Karlee suggested going about my day as usual, and just keep in tune with my body and my baby and see what happened. Since it was a Sunday, we went out to church, and then to my parents house for lunch - and after a couple of hours, the crampy feelings subsided again.

At 38+1 weeks, I woke up feeling completely normal; no unusual sensations in my body - just another day of being pregnant! Which was a little bit deflating, but since I had to say goodbye to Josh that morning as he headed away for work again, and I got myself sorted to head off to Townsville by myself, I guess my baby just knew it wasn't the right time yet! I arrived in Townsville a bundle of nerves because what if I had to call Josh to come from over 2 hours away while I was in labour!? Once I was checked into our unit, Karlee came around; she poured me some tea and we had a big heart to heart, which really calmed me down and put me at ease. We were on the baby's timeline now!

So I got settled in to our unit. I went grocery shopping and bought some nourishing and yummy food for me and my baby; I set up my wax burner with some yummy smelling melts; I unpacked and made our little unit my home away from home. It was a priority for me that this felt like a safe space and that I could be completely comfortable there! The next few days passed uneventfully; I caught up with some old friends, and made some new ones at Let's Talk Birth's homebirth group meet up; I read books about birth (check my previous blog post for my recommendations); I walked the streets around the unit everyday, and spent a considerable amount of time hanging out over my gym ball - it felt so good to move my body in the fresh air, and then to stretch out the tired muscles holding my belly! That week I also had a midwife appointment at the Townsville Hospital, and got myself all checked in ready for birth (haha). I hadn't felt the need to share my birth plans with anyone in the system, so I was a good little girl and went to my appointments and didn't make any waves! Even though I was already secure in my birth choices, it was interesting the vibe I got at the hospital that day; I didn't feel safe - I felt surrounded by sick people, and it felt like such an unnecessary place for me to be. Needless to say, it was a relief to get back to the little haven I'd created for myself!

At 38+6 weeks, Josh joined me in Townsville. He had wanted to work for as long as he could leading up to bub's arrival so that he could be home with us for longer after she was born, but he also needed a holiday, and as I told him, there wouldn't be much of a holiday with a new baby in the house! Once he was with me, I wanted to make the most of the final days of us just being a couple - but I was also so excited to meet our baby!

At 39+0 weeks, we drove 30mins out of Townsville to catch up with some friends, and on our way back to town we decided to get Indian food for dinner. I joked to Josh that spicy food might bring on labour, but the truth was, I'd been feeling a little different that day! Nothing I could put my finger on, just a feeling; but by bedtime I had twinges in my lower back that felt different to the general achiness of carrying a huge belly around. Then I was up and down through the night with intermittent surges - actual surges, not jut cramps or braxton-hicks! But at some point I managed to get some decent sleep, and by morning it had all dissipated again.

Later that morning Josh and I went for a couples massage, which was so lovely. It was a great chance for me to check in with my baby after the wild night we'd had, and I almost fell asleep! Then we got some more groceries, and when we got back to our unit, I said to Josh that I'd be quite happy if I didn't have to get in a car again until after the baby was born. Over the next couple of days, we caught up with some more friends (within walking distance!), and I had another midwife appointment (with a different midwife), which Josh came to with me. His comment, after navigating Townsville traffic, and struggling to find a park at the hospital was: I'm actually glad we won't have to deal with all this stress! At that appointment, we also got a look at some of the birthing suites in the Townsville hospital - and while it was good being able see them for ourselves, I just couldn't visualise having my baby in that surrounding.

By the Wednesday evening (39+3 weeks), I had similar feelings to Sunday. I spent another night broken up with surges and twinges, only for it to have all fizzled out by morning. I was feeling a little frustrated - I just couldn't wait to meet my baby, and I kept having all these false alarms! Josh headed back home for the day on Thursday; he needed a little headspace after being cooped up in town all week. And I used the day to re-check in with my body and my baby - to move out of frustration and into faith: it would all happen in the perfect time, whenever she was ready. We then spent the rest of the week just enjoying our quality time: we soaked up each others company, had some big conversations, and turned inward, to our new family unit.

At 39+6 weeks, I was feeling super restless. I went for a long walk in the morning; I was compelled to just move, so I walked and walked, and when I finally got back to our unit my feet and ankles were so sore and swollen (I'd been lucky enough to not get puffy feet during my pregnancy). I went for a lie down to put my feet up for a while, but it wasn't long before that restless feeling overtook me, and I'd be up and pacing around the unit again! Every time I was on my feet for a bit, they would swell up; so I would sit or lie down with my feet up until I got too restless again - and repeat! We needed to get some more food, so I even got in the car to go grocery shopping with Josh because I was feeling so restless and just wanted to get out for a bit! Once we got back, I ended up going for a big sleep and had a more peaceful afternoon. By bedtime, I had leaked a little fluid (I don't think I peed myself!) and I felt like we were really getting close now, so I went to bed with a bluey under my butt, "just in case!"

I woke at a quarter to midnight, thinking I needed to pee. I sat up and "whoosh," my waters released! I sat awkwardly on the bluey for a minute like, "ahhh what do I do!?" Then I couldn't figure out how to get off the bed without making a mess, so I woke Josh up and he got me a towel. Then I went to the toilet for a wee, popped a maternity pad in fresh undies, threw the wet bluey away (didn't even get any mess on the sheets - winning!), and then lay down again. I lay there wide awake and so excited - it was nearly time to meet my baby! Josh had gone back to sleep straight away, and I wanted to as well, because I knew it could be a long, tiring process and I wanted to rest while I could, but I was way too excited to sleep. Half an hour later, I felt the first rolling wave - and this time it was for real! I sent Karlee a message letting her know where we were at, but knowing she was probably asleep, I didn't expect a reply: I could call her if I needed to.

While Josh slept, I was up and down; I spent time sitting on, and resting over my gym ball; I paced a bit, and after a couple of hours I tried to lie down and rest, though the surges were too intense to sleep through, I did doze a bit. I was constantly going to the toilet, and by morning I had completely emptied my bowels, as well as frequently emptying my refilling bladder as I drank heaps and stayed hydrated. As the sky lightened, I decided to jump in the shower - that woke Josh in a hurry! I heard him call out in a slightly anxious voice, asking if I was ok; maybe he thought I was about to have the baby without him! I was in and out of the shower a few more times, but I couldn't seem to get comfortable anywhere. I could no longer sit on the ball comfortably, and side lying felt awful! I was so tired by this point, but lying down made me feel out of control, and made my surges feel uncontrollable and unmanageable. During this time I was checking in with my body and myself, and checking in with my baby; asking her if she was doing ok, and telling her that she was safe, that we were ready for her, and that we would do this together.

At around 7am, Josh was up, having breakfast, and I reached out to Karlee. I was starting to feel quite vulnerable; things were obviously progressing, and I was starting to question whether I was actually ready for the main event! (And I probably wasn't at that point - birth is a journey.) Karlee suggested going for a walk, and reassured me that I was ok and didn't need her quite yet. Josh and I went for a walk around the block, and in that time I rode three waves, two of which I had to stop walking to breathe through. I didn't feel like walking any more after that; I was starting to turn inward, and wanted to get back to my little nest. I was hungry though, so I tried to eat some fruit and yoghurt. I was asking Josh to help me through the surges by putting pressure on my sacrum, then I wanted to lie down again, but that didn't feel good. I felt really out of control, and it was the closest I felt to pain from the surges - it also made me vomit up the little I'd eaten!

I messaged Karlee and asked her to come. By now, I was managing the surges by standing and leaning over - the kitchen bench, the bathroom vanity, against the wall - wherever I happened to be as I continued to pace around. I hopped back in the shower (little did I know, I wouldn't want to be in the water again after that!), and as I was getting out, Karlee arrived. This was sometime around 10am; I came out in a towel, and Karlee got straight to work making me some tea! I rode a couple of strong surges while standing in the kitchen, and a small amount of blood and fluid came with one of them: they were getting more intense. I think once Karlee arrived, I finally started to surrender. It wasn't long before I shed the towel: labouring completely naked in the broad daylight with no inhibitions.

The rest of my labour was just a blur of breath and sensation, and I only really remember little snippets, not in any specific order, so my birth team may disagree with me about the order of events! Not long after Karlee arrived, my contractions changed from the opening and upward sensation of my cervix opening, to a powerful downward movement as my body started to bring my baby down. I spent quite a bit of this early active labour sitting on the toilet, facing backwards, with my head resting on a pillow on the cistern. I used this time to really go inward. I shut my eyes, I focused on my breathing, and I entered labour land. As labour progressed, I spent time sitting facing front on the toilet as well, and then moved to kneeling on the yoga mat and resting forward over my ball. I was so deep in surrender, so deep in breath. It was like the deepest meditative state, and I hardly opened my eyes through all of active labour. When I did open them, sometimes it would be Josh there holding my hands, and sometimes it would be Karlee. I felt equally safe and supported no matter who I found there in those moments. There was no time for conscious thoughts or decisions; there was only ever the present moment. Thirsty? Hot? Cold? I had tea or ice cubes or water to drink, and the fan or aircon was turned on or off as I needed.

I truly felt no pain, just massive sensation. A couple of big surges stole my breath, and had me crying out instead of breathing through them - and they came close to painful! Then I would hear Karlee reminding me to breathe, or Josh telling me I was doing good, and I would tune back into my breath and slip into that zen state again. At some point I thought a few times, "how long can I keep doing this for?" Then it wasn't long after that that my baby started crowning! I spent some time in a supported squat, which helped bring my baby down, but wasn't really a preferred position for me - my body was very tired by this point and squatting seemed to take a lot of effort. I also rode one wave kneeling with one foot on the floor, which was very intense! At some point Karlee suggested I hop back in the shower because I was falling asleep between surges. I had no conscious idea of time, but I could see from the way the sunlight was moving across the curtains that the afternoon was progressing. I really didn't want to get wet, but I did relish the heat on my back when I got in the shower again and Josh came in with me to continue supporting me through the surges. It did wake me up a bit and refreshed my tired body, and it was moments like this that we were so grateful to have a voice of our experience in our space! Honestly, if it had been up to me, I probably would have hardly moved off my gym ball the whole time, but Karlee was keeping an eye on my swollen feet, and suggesting I move and try different positions, both to help my baby down, and to help my circulation.

Once we got out of the shower, I stayed standing, with Josh supporting me as I hung off his shoulders through each wave. We stayed like that for (what felt like) a long time, but every surge was bringing my baby closer! I was soon feeling so tired again though; with each wave, my legs were trembling so hard, and I was leaning more and more on Josh as I became more involved in the pushing process. I can't even say if it was active pushing on my part, or my body doing the pushing for me - all I know is that every fibre of my body was bringing my baby down! The feeling of my baby's head crowning was the most discomfort I felt - but the work of labour had been done, my mind and my body were perfectly ready for this part of the process. The burning and stretching sensations were expected pain: it was exactly what you'd expect birthing a head to feel like!

Eventually I was so tired and trembling so much I felt like I was going to fall over; birth is a marathon, they don't call it 'labour' for nothing - it's hard work! I said I needed to sit down for a bit, and Karlee had placed a towel under the toilet seat so I could safely labour there. By this time, I well and truly had a head between my legs! So I waddled slowly and awkwardly to the toilet with Josh's help, and finally took the weight off my feet. I only had a second to rest before the next surge came, bringing her even closer to the outside with the change of position. Karlee suggested I support my labia with my hand through the next contraction, so I reached down and felt my baby's head. And with the next surge, her head popped out between my fingers! "We have a head!" I said, and then a second later, "you mean I have to stand up again!?" As I stood on my shaky legs, there was a brief flurry over who was going to catch my baby. As much as I would have loved to, I was feeling much too tired and shaky, and Josh didn't think he could either, so we asked Karlee to.

As the next surge came, I shut my eyes and pushed my baby out. It was the most conscious push I done, and I think I freaked out and pushed her out in a big hurry rather than just letting it happen. Willow surfed out in a rush of fluid and blood, and did her first meconium poo! In hindsight, I would have loved to look down and watch her being born, but in that moment, I needed to stay inward, and keeping my eyes shut helped me do that. Birthing her body was such a weird, unexpected feeling - like birthing a bag of bones! I'm not sure what I thought birthing the body would feel like, but it felt completely unexpected, compared to the head, which felt totally expected! Once I got over my initial shock, I looked down at my baby in Karlee's hands; she had the cord around and across her body, and Karlee deftly turned her over to unwrap her, and then passed her up to me. As I sat back on the toilet with my baby in my arms, Karlee checked the time: 2:52pm. That was the first time I knew what time it was since she had arrived at our unit that morning. I instinctively laid Willow over my arm in the new-born recovery position, and she breathed and cried straight away! It's interesting that I didn't even feel a sense of relief that she breathed straight away; I was so in tune with her right up to that moment that I already knew she was fine, so there was no question or uncertainty to feel relieved about. Then Karlee disappeared to make me some more tea, and left Josh and I alone with our brand new baby girl!

I don't remember the exact timeline of the third stage of labour either; I was so wrapped up in our little girl! I held her as she cried, and we put a towel over both of us to keep her warm. When I turned her so we were tummy to tummy, she straight away started bobbing around looking for my nipple, which was so amazing to see how strong and smart she was! At some point, I felt the cord slither a little further out, so I guessed my placenta had detached. Karlee brought me some tea, and when we established my placenta had released, I stood up and tried to find the right muscles to use to expel it. It must have been caught in a fold in my deflating uterus, because it took a few tries, and when it came, some of the membranes were caught still. Karlee supported the weight of the placenta until we got the membranes out too, giving me the freedom to just hold my baby. The placenta released more blood, clots and fluid that were trapped behind it, and my estimated blood loss was 300-400ml. I was told I looked pale, but I felt fine, just a little tired and wobbly, as you'd expect! Karlee made me a tincture for bleeding, and showed me how my placenta was all intact; and I gotta say, mine was one of the most beautiful I'd seen, and I'd seen some pretty ones in my research! They remind me of a tree of life!

Then we moved me, our baby, and the bowl with the placenta in it to the bed, which had been made up with a waterproof mattress protector, as well as more blueys for me to sit on. I was propped up on pillows with my baby on my chest, and brought tea and toast (the best jam on toast I've ever eaten!) and then I hardly moved from that spot until morning! Karlee cleaned up the bathroom and put a load of towels in the washing machine, then she helped me shower while Josh had some skin to skin time. There was some concern, because I hadn't peed for a very long time, and I'd been drinking lots of tea and water through labour. I had tried to pee while still on the toilet after birthing the placenta, and then again while I was in the shower but I couldn't find my bladder in the jumble inside me! (I ended up peeing after Karlee left, I just got up and went to the toilet when I needed to, without even really thinking about it.) Somewhere in there, Karlee helped us weigh and measure Willow: 3.54kg, 51cm long, with a 35cm head; and helped check my vulva for grazes or tears - I had a small graze/tear of less than 5mm (which I expected from how I could feel myself stretching while bringing down her head), that didn't need any further attention.

While Karlee cleaned up, Willow had had a nap on my chest. We had disturbed her from trying to latch while we sorted out the placenta, and she was probably as tired as I was! Once she woke up, she had another go, bobbing around and getting close to latching by herself. But she soon got frustrated at her lack of success, and even though I had wanted to allow baby-led attachment, she had had a good try and it had been more than an hour since she was born, so Karlee helped me with mother-led attachment and we got her latched for her first feed! And that's how she left us soon after; tucked up in our little bubble of bliss, with no need to go anywhere or do anything more than marvel at our little Willow Ann! Josh said to me later that there came a point when he realised that we were actually going to have a baby right there; I think right up until that moment he thought that I would reach a point that I wanted to move to the hospital, for one reason or another. But the thought never crossed my mind! There was no point that I had doubts or thought I needed to go anywhere; and I can't fathom having to get in a car at any point through labour - ugh!

As the evening went on, Josh warmed me some soup that I could sip in bed, and I continued to drink tea, water, and grape juice, while Willow stayed on my chest. I'd had an ice pack on my vulva (the swelling was pretty hectic!) since I'd made it to the bed, and by about 6:30pm, the swelling had gone down a bit and I was able to get up and pee with no dramas. Around 7:30pm, we video called all our family in turn, to share the exciting news! Willow and I were both still completely naked with just a towel and blanket over us, but after we'd called everyone, we gave Willow a sponge bath and popped a nappy on her, and I put on some fresh undies with a maternity pad. By about 8:30pm it was bedtime, so we went to sleep: our first night as a family of three!

An extra note about registering Willow's birth: It had been our intention to present to the hospital within 24h of her birth to get the relevant documentation, however, when we phoned the next morning to let them know we were coming in, the lady we got on the phone told us they wouldn't see us and that we should go to a GP! I think it was just a case of getting the wrong person on the day, and had it been anyone else, they probably would have been fine with it - and theoretically we just could have presented to emergency and they would have had to see us anyway. But we decided to just enjoy our new-born bubble and not go anywhere; we certainly didn't need negative energy like that at that point! Instead, we rang my Charters Towers midwife and explained our situation. Needless to say, she was quite shocked that I hadn't birthed at the hospital, but she took it all in her stride, and we arranged to have the hearing test and the heel prick test done back in Charters two days later! Then we just went to my normal doctors office for our check up a week later, and asked for a proof of live birth letter. The doctor was quite bamboozled about the whole thing, and kept asking Josh, "and what did you do?" As if he needed to 'do' something to get the baby out haha! But we got our letter, and along with a statutory declaration by Josh, as a witness to the birth, we sent off the forms to register the birth and there was no issue with getting it approved. For more info state by state, this site is really helpful - or read the instructions on the front of your state's form to register a birth.