My Tips For Postpartum

I wanted to put together some notes from my early postpartum; I started writing this post at 4 months in, but even at more than 12 months now, we're still very much navigating post partum. As they say: post partum is forever!

Once you've had a baby, you'll never not be post pregnancy again. And along with the wonder of having grown a baby from scratch and the oxytocin high of a physiological birth, there's a kind of grief too. There's a mourning of the person you used to be before you had a little human so dependant on you. (And I did experience this early in my pregnancy too; I had a visceral understanding of the dependency my unborn baby had on me, right from the moment I suspected I was pregnant; but this feeling deepened in the early weeks after giving birth.) There's a feeling of losing your bodily autonomy, as you not only grew and gave birth to this little person, but now their whole survival is relying on the warmth and nourishment of your body - you don't really get your body to yourself again after giving birth, you just switch to using your arms to carry your baby, and your breasts to nourish them. It's a feeling that is hard to describe, and I'm sure that anyone has hasn't experienced it for themselves can't really imagine; I know I didn't REALLY get it until I was in it!

(Photo: less than 24h postpartum with my little squish!)

So saying that, I wasn't really a person that prepared for post partum - I didn't go out and buy all the nipple shields, and peri bottles, and hot and cold packs. There's so much STUFF that is marketed at vulnerable new mums, but what they don't tell you is that its the people and PRESENCE (not presents!) that you surround yourself with after birth is what will help you and your baby have an enjoyable post partum. So here's some of the things that made my transition to motherhood smoother:

TIME

The biggest gift you can give yourself for post partum is time; time to just be with your new baby and time from the people that you need and want around you. Pretty much plan to spend the first week in bed, and the next week after that not going far from the house. For me, a non-negotiable was having Josh home for two weeks after bub arrived, and a minimum of a week with just us as a new family and no visitors. And it's not about physical help with the baby; as the mum with the boobs, I was the only thing Willow needed in those early days. The way Josh helped was by cooking, or defrosting the meals I had prepared before relocating to Townsville - taking on the mental load of thinking of food was such a massive thing for me, because I was always so hungry, having help with food was invaluable! It's also the little things like hanging out the washing and keeping up with the dishwasher, because that's the last thing you want to think about! Then when my mum-and-dad-in-law visited in the second week, they helped more with meals and washing and sweeping the floor, giving me more time to just be with Willow. Any way you can outsource those mundane everyday chores to buy yourself more time with your baby, do it!

FOOD

As I mentioned before, food is such a big consideration for postpartum. And not just any food; wholesome, nourishing, REAL food is what you need to fuel your body. I found I actually eat more in postpartum than I ever did pregnant! Of course, you're also juggling a little human, so preparing meals and actually finding time to eat is a whole 'nother story, so preparation is key! I did a lot of cooking and freezing food in the lead up to relocating to Townsville to wait for Willow's arrival, so having a freezer full of food to come home to was amazing. The full meals I did were super helpful for Josh to be able to do dinner without the brainpower of deciding what to cook, he just needed to remember to defrost it and warm it up! But what I found the most useful was the snacks I had made, like fruit muffins, savoury muffins and zucchini slice - these were what kept me going at nighttime. I'd be awake, feeding bub, then I'd do a nappy change, often need to go to the toilet myself, fill my water bottle up, and grab a snack out of the fridge and go back to bed. The midnight snacking only lasted for the first couple of months, eventually we switched to using overnight nappies and dropped the nighttime changes, and since we were bedsharing I'd just feed her back to sleep before either of us was properly awake, but in those early weeks having nourishing, homemade snacks on hand was a game changer!

The second best thing about hiring a doula for our birth was the postpartum food! Karlee and her family came to visit us at 2 weeks post partum and brought an Esky full of nourishing soup, broth, and apple and berry nut crumble. It made me feel so loved and cared for to have someone prepare such yummy and wholesome food for me. When Karlee and I connected, the primary consideration was that she was the right support for our freebirth plans, and the postpartum food was just part of the package. But in hindsight, postpartum food and care from a doula will be a non negotiable for my future postpartum periods!

Another thing I would do differently next time I have a baby is invite friends and family to cook something for my freezer instead of buying gifts - as I already have all the baby things now; it's the food and support I'll need more.

REMOVE EXPECTATIONS

Seriously, take them off your baby, off yourself. Of course I had no idea what life with a new-born would be like, I'd never done it before! But when you go into new motherhood with no expectations around how your baby should eat or sleep, you feel totally fine with having them on the boob almost all the time they're awake (and half the time they're asleep too!), you feel totally fine with carrying them everywhere and learning to do things one handed, and you learn to read their cues and listen to what they need, instead of having expectations about what you 'should' be doing. I never had expectations about feeding on a schedule, so I feed when she wants to; I never had expectations about putting her down for her naps, so the majority of the time she slept on me during the day; I never had expectations of babies sleeping through the night, so we cosleep so I can be there as much as she needs me in the night. And this is something that lasts much longer than the immediate post-partum; I'm still in it, and I imagine every mother is, to some extent!

REST/MOVEMENT

This is a big one; don't feel guilty for resting as much as you need to. I still need day time naps occasionally, and had one nearly every day for the fist two months or so. It sucks that society has this expectation that we should 'bounce back' within days or weeks of such a massive physical feat. But conversely, if you feel the need to move your body, by all means, go for it! It really comes back to listening to your body, whatever you happen to need in this season. For me it was a balance of both; resting and getting enough sleep, but also getting out and moving my body in the fresh air in a way that feels good. I loved walking in late pregnancy, and I still love it now! Even though I'm not running or riding much yet, walking is a movement that feels good in this season of life (and the bonus is I can take my baby with me and don't have to be seperate than her to workout), and I'm enjoying walking further and feeling my body come back to me as I get stronger. A little bit of sunshine and fresh air does wonders too!

GET OUTSIDE

Everyday, do it! In the first week or two, its sitting outside watching the sunset with bub skin to skin. But as time goes on, it's going out to the dog kennels, or going for a walk to see the horses. Feeling the sun on your skin and breathing in outside air feels SO good, especially when you're tired and don't want to! And my baby loves it too; when she would have an unsettled afternoon, as soon as it got cool enough, I'd pop her in the carrier and go for a little walk and she usually went straight to sleep, which then buys me some time to sort out some washing, feed the dogs, and get dinner started, all while she's asleep on my chest - it makes our evenings so much smoother if she's settled like that! Obviously you want to do any outside time early or late enough that it's not too hot and make sure bub is protected from too much direct sunlight so they don't get sunburnt, but honestly, make it a non-negotiable!

GET A BABY CARRIER

On that note, get a baby carrier (or 3!) that you like - you will need it! Baby wearing has been my sanity with a baby that never wanted to be put down and didn't like sleeping separately to me. (I literally wouldn't have got anything done the first 6 months or so postpartum without baby wearing.) My most used baby item is the multiple different carriers I have. I found it useful to have several, for when one is in the wash, and as Willow grows and changed, each carrier works differently for us. These days I have one carrier that I prefer to back carry in, one that I prefer to front carry for when she wants to be on the boob and I have stuff to do, and my ring sling usually lives in the nappy bag so I always have a carrier on hand when out and about, and it's usually my grocery shopping carrier.

Also, learn to breastfeed while baby wearing - it will change your life!

FOR DOWN BELOW

As I mentioned above, I didn't buy a peri bottle, or the icepack undies or anything like that for caring for down there. Everyone's different, but I really didn't feel called to, and it would have been totally unnecessary for me personally. I had only a small graze, and I never felt any pain to pee after birth. However a few suggestions I've been given, for if you need some extra support but don't want to buy all the things are: you can use a Pump water bottle or any squeezable bottle as a peri bottle, or pee in the shower so that the water dilutes the urine and reduces the stinging; and you can pop maternity pads in the freezer (optional to add aloe vera or witch hazel) so that they're cold when you use them.

When it comes to post partum bleeding, the best tip I got for using maternity pads was to wear two pairs of undies to hold them in place and avoid leaks. But I loved period undies! I used about 1 pack of maternity pads in the first 24h or so, but by day three I had super light bleeding that continued for another 2 weeks - so that was when I switched from pads to period undies and they were the best! I found them so easy to use, just change them as often as you would change a pad, and since I was doing cloth nappies, they just got added to the cloth nappy wash routine so it was no extra work there. I bought a bunch of cheap ones from Kmart and Big W, and they held up well, though I can't speak to their longevity yet as they haven't been used since! Another thing that we totally fluked was having SUPER soft toilet paper in our house! I'm not usually one to buy the ridiculously thick and soft Kleenex toilet paper, but that's what we happened to have on hand when we got home from Townsville and I'm so glad we did. When your perineum is swollen and tender, you want the softest thing possible to clean and dry yourself after that first post-birth poop! (Otherwise jump in the shower, but soft toilet paper is where it's at!)

MENTAL SUPPORT

Talking to people who are in the same phase of life, protecting your mental energy from people and conversations that don't feel good, having a debrief chat with your birth team; all of these things can help support the mental load of motherhood. Even though I had the most amazing birth experience, being able to debrief and talk about it with my doula and my hubby was a great way to solidify my birthing story in my mind and also clear up any blank spots in my memory. I also found it helpful to talk about birth and newborn life with other friends that have recently had babies, and conversely, to block those kind of conversations with people that weren't necessarily on the same wavelength and wanted to offer unsolicited advice and opinions that didn't vibe with me. I found it important to have a balance between feeling like I could talk about these important things but also choosing wisely who to have these conversations with.

BREASTFEEDING TIPS

I was going to include breastfeeding as part of this blog but it kind of turned into a blog all of its own! So stay tuned for my next post for all my breastfeeding tips; but suffice it to say, to have a successful breastfeeding journey, all you really need is your boobs, some knowledge and support, and time to learn along with your baby. Save your money and don't buy all the gadgets ahead of time - you can easily purchase them when and if you need them as you go along.

So that's my take on postpartum! There's probably things I haven't thought of, that will become so important to me in postpartum with baby number 2, as I haven't had to navigate postpartum with a toddler in tow. But these are the things that were important to me this time around; and I think the most important thing is that as the mum, we get to choose. As long as your boundaries are respected regarding visitors or gifts, and you give yourself the time you personally need to recover and heal and just breathe in the smell of your newborn, then that's the two most important things ticked off the list!

What were your non-negotiables for postpartum??